What is a narcissist and what is “gas lighting”?

Many of us watch or have heard of one of Britain’s most awaited reality shows this year, Love Island. For 8 weeks millions of viewers tune in to watch relationships form and develop. It is apparent that the popularity of such shows is due to our culture’s fascination with human psychology and relationships. Whilst perhaps some of the show may have been staged, or moments that appeared to be genuine, manufactured to provide ‘TV gold’, there were some important issues raised. Not for the first time, terms such as ‘narcissist’ and ‘gas lighting’ were thrown around, labelling some of the contestants.

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But what is a narcissist?

Generally a person with a narcissistic personality has an extreme feeling of self-importance, superficial charm and a lack of remorse. People in a relationship with a narcissist may find that they feel manipulated by their partner, and anxious all the time.

And how about gas lighting?

Gas lighting describes the behaviour of someone who attempts to control another person by manipulating them to doubt their own minds, and their reality or interpretation of a situation.  

The term ‘Gas light’ came from a 1938 play about a husband who slowly makes his wife believe she is going insane by turning gas lights on and off, and convincing her that it is all in her mind. If you have not seen it, it is worth a watch to gain an understanding of what this looks like in real life, however, be warned, it makes for very uncomfortable viewing.

Recently many have taken to social media criticising Danny Bibby for displaying this type of behaviour towards fellow contestant Lucinda Strafford. Many viewers say that she had a lucky escape.

Often we see clients whose relationships have broken down due to one party displaying signs of a Narcissistic personality disorder or by their attempts to ‘Gas light’ their spouse. This can include the abuser contacting their partner’s family and friends to provide false information about their partner, with the idea being to turn everyone against them. Some even attempt to use the divorce process to make their spouse appear mentally unstable by filing false information. 

Being married to or in a relationship with such a personality can be incredibly difficult and leaving the relationship, even harder.

So what can you do? If you have decided that the relationship is over it is wise to document everything and if you are separating keep communication with your partner to a minimum. Talking to a solicitor as soon as possible in the process can help you understand your legal rights and speaking to friends, family and/or a counsellor can help you mentally and emotionally too.

If you know somebody who may need some advice, do tell them to come and see us for a friendly and sensitive approach. Give our Family Team a call on 01908 660966 / 01604 828282 or email Family@franklins-sols.co.uk.